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News Headlines That Pretty Much Say It All

Postby NocturnalVagabond » Mon Apr 09, 2007 7:09 am

Ok, here's the way it works: Find a genuine news story where the headline says everything.

Lets start with this one:

Deaf Black Lesbian Accused of Chainsaw Murder



:shock: LOL...
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Postby Fartingbob » Mon Apr 09, 2007 9:58 am

Bill Gates and Warren Buffet poses with Hooters girls
Thats got to be one of the funniest unaltered photos ive ever seen.
Bill seems akward, but the pervy billionaires at the back seem to be having a great time.
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Postby SlyckTom » Mon Apr 09, 2007 3:49 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLRf4L8HAvI


Ms Dos executive...omg...

Reminds me when I thought PC Tools was a really cool program.. :roll:
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Postby Captain America » Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:01 pm

Sight Of Jesus Drinking Coke Prompts Lawsuit

http://www.nbc4.tv/food/11538771/detail.html


:shock: :D :lol: :o

omg at SlyckTom. And here I thought the guy in Silicon Valley over acted most of the time!
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Postby Fartingbob » Tue May 01, 2007 11:28 am

A new one i found:
Lesbians twice as likely to be obese
Or, as someone who submitted it to digg put it much better:
Breaking News: Lesbians are fat
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Postby HouseCrowd » Tue May 01, 2007 1:03 pm

Fartingbob wrote:A new one i found:
Lesbians twice as likely to be obese
Or, as someone who submitted it to digg put it much better:
Breaking News: Lesbians are fat


:lol:

... or maybe fat women are just more likely to become lesbians? ;)
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Postby carcassfan » Tue May 01, 2007 1:42 pm

:lol: :lol:

[url=http://www.myfoxaustin.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=2855970&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=3.2.1]
Dump Truck Rolls Over, Loses Dirt
[/url]
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Postby IceCube » Tue May 01, 2007 2:52 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Postby MrFredPFL » Tue May 01, 2007 2:58 pm

i'm guessing that not a lot happens in austin these days.

Today, a dump truck rolled over and all the dirt came out. The truck rolled onto more dirt. It was hard to tell all the dirt apart. There were no injuries.


i doubt that's the lamest news story i've ever seen, but it can't be far down the list. :lol:
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Postby Fartingbob » Tue May 01, 2007 4:46 pm

Thats got to be top 10 lamest excuses for a story ever, and top 5 most pointless news clips ever, and definitely top 3 worst written news reports ever.

And i thought ITV was lame for reporting that wayne rooney (neanderthal, famous english footballer, chav extraordinaire) girlfriend was seen shopping. Thats it. Just normal shopping. And yet it was reported once on national news. :shock:
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Postby piXelatedEmpire » Wed May 02, 2007 12:14 am

MrFredPFL wrote:
Today, a dump truck rolled over and all the dirt came out. The truck rolled onto more dirt. It was hard to tell all the dirt apart. There were no injuries.

Now that's news!! :lol:
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Postby carcassfan » Wed May 02, 2007 1:37 pm

oh man...this made my day.

11 year old girl kills 2 armed illegal home invaders:



Two illegal aliens, Ralphel Resindez 23 and Enrico Garza 26, probably believed they would easily overpower a home alone 11 year old Patricia Harrington after her father had left their two story home.

It seems the two crooks never learned two things, they were in Montana and Patricia had been a clay shooting champion since she was nine. Patricia was in her upstairs room when the two men broke through the front door of the house. She quickly ran to her father's room and grabbed his 12 gauge Mossberg 500 shotgun.

Resindez was the first to get up to the second floor only to be the first to catch a near point blank blast of buck shot from the 11 year olds knee crouch aim. He suffered fatal wounds to his abdomen and genitals. When Garza ran to the foot of the stairs, he took a blast to the left shoulder and staggered out into the street where he bled to death before medical help could arrive.

It was found out later that Resindez was armed with a stolen 45 caliber handgun he took from another home invasion robbery. The victim, 50 year old David Burien, was not so lucky as he died from stab wounds to the chest.


http://www.libertypost.org/cgi-bin/read ... Num=185167

8)
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Postby IceCube » Wed May 02, 2007 1:42 pm

Wow... wonder if the girl can say she killed in self defense and not have a criminal record for it.
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Postby carcassfan » Wed May 02, 2007 1:50 pm

IceCube wrote:Wow... wonder if the girl can say she killed in self defense and not have a criminal record for it.


absolutely. there is no way she would be prosecuted in this situation. when an armed intruder unlawfully enters your private property all bets are off. you can research the specific U.S. laws as related to the use of deadly force if you wish. I feel bad that she had to go through a situation like this at her age but the outcome is better than the alternative of her possibly being raped or killed. chalk one up for the good guys.

He suffered fatal wounds to his abdomen and genitals

^^ proof positive that messing with an armed chick is a bad idea :idea: :lol:
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Postby Nutty-Slack » Wed May 02, 2007 2:03 pm

He suffered fatal wounds to his abdomen and genitals.

She blew his nuts off...
Patricia had been a clay shooting champion since she was nine.

On purpose! :shock:

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Postby MrFredPFL » Wed May 02, 2007 2:27 pm

the impressive thing to me is that an 11 year old girl used a mossberg. those bastards are heavy :shock:
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Postby TorrentMama » Wed May 02, 2007 2:29 pm

11 year old girl kills 2 armed illegal home invaders:


now that's what I'm talking about! lmao! I would have loved to shoot those sons of bitches myself! The poor girl will probably be tramatized, and while that aspect is sad, I'm glad she had the instinct to do what was necessary!


EDIT: oohh my contribution

MARK CUBAN EXPLOITS CHILDREN
Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!
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Postby carcassfan » Wed May 02, 2007 2:59 pm

:lol:

there are some questions and comments on digg and other sites regarding the veracity of the story i posted above (which i saw on digg). there is no other source that can be found to corroborate the events claimed in the story. I've submitted the story to snopes. Did kinda seem a little too good to be true...we shall see.

dig user comment:

"This is an "urban legend" and there doesn't seem to be any evidence to back up it up.

Raphael Resendez-Ramirez is the infamous "Railroad Killer" illegal alien / serial murderer. He eventually was captured.

Enrique Garza is a musician from Snyder, Texas whose 3 sons formed the band "Los Lonely Boys".

Patricia Harrington is an adult woman who writes children’s mystery books.

I can find no reference to David Burien.

The story has no author or news source listed. There is no date, time or address of where the incident took place. I would wager that this is an invented account. There's absolutely nothing on the web (aside from this verbatim account itself) to indicate this ever actually happened, or that anyone named Patricia Harrington ever was a champion clay-shooter anywhere. No news station, web site or paper has published this story.


probably safe to say its a fake for now. hopefully snopes will come up with something. stinking bloggers :roll:
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Postby Captain America » Wed May 02, 2007 3:05 pm

This woman should get a job with the RIAA.

Woman hit by falling cat to sue 200 residents

A Chinese woman knocked out by a cat falling from a block of flats is to sue 200 residents because none will admit responsibility.

Tang Meirong, 53, of Chongqing city, was sent to hospital after being hit by the cat, reports Chongqing Business News.

"I was walking on the footpath under the building, and suddenly a heavy object hit my head. I remember nothing afterwards," she said.

After regaining consciousness, Tang called police but the building manager told officers it would be very difficult to identify the cat owner.

Tang says she will sue all 200 residents whose flats face the street if none of them come forward to take responsibility.

The cat was killed by the fall. - Ananova.com

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Postby TorrentMama » Wed May 02, 2007 3:13 pm

dang! I knew that story sounded too good to be true.

here's one

Feds Accuse Alabama Militia of Planning Machine-Gun Attack on Mexicans

A lawyer for one of the men has said the case has been overblown by authorities. He said his client began stockpiling items partly because of the scare of the Y2K computer glitch in 2000.
:lol: :lol:
Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!
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Postby carcassfan » Wed May 02, 2007 4:43 pm

"I don't like repeat offenders, I like dead offenders."

-Ted Nugent

God Bless America!
Tekk wrote:most of the things being pirated are obscure mexican bands
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Postby Fartingbob » Wed May 02, 2007 4:48 pm

carcassfan wrote::lol:

The $67 Million Pants

:shock:

That lawyer was quite clearly the most unpopular kid at school. They -may have- lost 1 pair of trousers and he is suing them for $67m, claiming "mental suffering".
And on his first day of work.
IMO it can go one of 2 ways. He wins by some miracle, and becomes a big time lawyer, or he is made to look like a publicity seeking fool. :lol:
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Postby MrFredPFL » Wed May 02, 2007 4:50 pm

i seem to recall that we already have a thread about that lawsuit here ;)
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Postby carcassfan » Wed May 02, 2007 4:52 pm

I dont think anyone would lose sleep if ths guy were hit by a dump truck...or shot in the genitals by an eleven year old girl :lol:
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Postby MrFredPFL » Wed May 02, 2007 4:54 pm

:lol:

Today, a dump truck rolled over and all the dirt came out. The truck rolled onto more dirt. It was hard to tell all the dirt apart. A litigious fool was crushed beyond recognition, but no humans were injured.
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